this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
