whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
