pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
