What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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