I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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