you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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