Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
