Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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