Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
