i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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