dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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