I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
