she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
