i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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