Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Found the puke drawer
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
