I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
