it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
