Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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