So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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