I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
