do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
