I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
