I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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