Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Randomize
