I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Randomize
