I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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