she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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