I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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