new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
