Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Randomize
