Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Randomize
