: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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