there's paper in my vomit.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
