census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
