K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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