He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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