I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
