Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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