haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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