FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
