people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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