The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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