I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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