I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
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