She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
It's rum buckets o'clock
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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