K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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