I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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