I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
