that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
