I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
