I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
