Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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