guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Randomize
