My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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