I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Randomize
