Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
