You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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