How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
