meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
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